All the small things

Just about a year ago, I visited MIT for the first time ever.

But for some reason it feels much longer than that.

Why? Senior year seemed to go by so fast. By that logic, I should remember visiting MIT like it were yesterday. And yet for some reason I can remember that visit only in vague snatches, a handful of disjointed scenes and conversations that have very little do with one another.

The only answer I can come up with is that so much has happened between that visit and today, from last sumer to this summer.

And even though I sense this entry is rapidly heading off in a direction I didn't at all mean for it to go, I'm going to see if I can actually figure out all that happened in the past year or so.


First semester: I went to summer tennis practice for the last time ever. I started TADA. I wrote and read a prayer for the 9/11 victims. I tutored, I did my homework, I stayed involved in my various clubs and activities. I did a bit of research and a lot of paper-writing. I entered Siemens at almost the last-possible minute - and, to my ongoing amazement, won. And, oh yeah, somewhere in there I tried to apply to college. Thanks for not killing me, Mom.

Second semester: I was through with college apps, thank God, but for some reason none of us could shut up about college itself. I visited California and came back only because I had to. Initially seeded fifth in a field of ten, we upset everybody and won the city Quiz Bowl tournament for the first time in school history. Then we swept the top five spots at the Regional Science Fair, for the first time in fair history. I got into MIT. I visited MIT. I matriculated to MIT. I went to ISEF. I got my summer job. I did my APs. I graduated.


That's...a lot. I know it is, and I treasure every success I achieved - none of which, when I think about it, I accomplished solely on my own. I always had someone else backing me up - my teammates, my research mentor, my teachers, my principal. My parents. I think...I think it's important to acknowledge that.

But that's not really all that happened last year. There's more, much more, to my life than that list up there would tell you. So many things in my life - in any life - are simply too large, too inexpressibly important, to fit into a laundry list of accomplishments. I cannot contain in words how my physics teacher ignited my passion for a subject I had never seriously thought about before. I cannot boil down to a single sentence the many great people I feel privileged to call my friends - nor can I accurately describe all the late-night study sessions, the euchre games, the concerts, the movies, the epic Halo battles, the Colts-Bears Super Bowl rivalry that seemed so important at the time.

Originally, this entry was supposed to be about college applications. Obviously I got a little sidetracked - sorry! But think there's an important point here that actually does have something to do with apps. College applications, simply by the way they're structured, make it very easy to get caught up in yourself - in your own accomplishments, your own ambitions. That also makes it very easy to lose your friends. And while I'm not about to endorse some sappy blanket sentiment like friends are the most important thing in the world, nothing more to be said, end of story - I will say it's hard to be alone.

I got lucky last year. I was able to hang on to my friends in spite of everything else going on in my life. If anything, I think my friendships have grown stronger in these past twelve months. Like a sword that's been tested in a flame, perhaps.

The moral of the story is that, in your life, you will do many things that will never show up on a college application. But that doesn't mean those moments are any less important or valuable than those that do appear on your final app.

In the end, sometimes it's the small things that matter most.

Back when I was your age...

As I was doing a little late-night stalking - er, I mean, browsing - of the MIT blogs/admissions site, I happened to notice this interesting little blurb, hiding coyly on the side of the screen:

Online Application • The freshman online application for entry in Fall 2008 is now live!

Most interesting. I wonder if any of the prospectives have noticed? Ah, it reminds me of when I was filling out my own application...feels like a lifetime ago! And there wasn't any of this MyMIT "online" stuff back when I was your age, you know...I had to fill the whole thing out in pen, with no correcting fluid, twice!

That's a total fabrication, by the way. And not a very good one either, but it's 1 o'clock in the morning, so just cut me some slack, okay?

Anyhow, as it turns out, the 2008 application is actually the same as last year's - which sort of surprised me, but then again the app was pretty good to begin with, and it's not really like an engineer to meddle with something that works. Anyway, I'll be updating this post later on with some thoughts, recollections, and musings about the college admissions process in general, and the MIT application in particular.

And by later on, I mean when (ii) it's not so late, (c) I've gotten some well-deserved sleep, and (1) I'm a little more lucid.

...Right. Yeah, I'm going to go to bed now...

Simmons, here I come!

Aaaaand the housing website and MIT facebook group GO CRAZY as everyone starts checking and posting their dorm lottery results.

As for me, I got in Simmons! My smile is a little large to confine to an electronic medium, but I think saying "woot woot!" comes close to describing my present state of mind. :)

I'm not going to publish my room number (because there could be crazy-stalker-types reading this blog, right?), but I will say I'm on the sixth floor.

Thank God there's an elevator.

*insert clever title here*

A collection of the innermost thoughts of Yours Truly - some serious, some funny, some utterly random.

- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was amazing. If for some crazy reason you haven't read it yet, I won't spoil any of it here, but there were some great plot twists. And quite a few of my predictions turned out to be right, which I really liked. The only sad part is that it's finally over.

- Whoever ordered all those powered gloves for my lab deserves to be shot. I hate powdered gloves.

- Maybe I'm on a sci-fi jag or something, but Tabula Rasa and Mass Effect both look very appealing to me right now. Only problem - apart from finding time to actually play them - is that Mass Effect's for Xbox 360, which I don't have and am unlikely to get anytime soon...but I'm sure there'll be someone at MIT who has one. *grin*

- Speaking of MIT - dorm assignments come out today! Just three hours to go now....I'm really hoping for Baker, my first choice, but I'll be pretty happy with Simmons or Burton-Conner as well.

- One of the subtle perks of going to MIT is that your relatives and friends will buy you books simply because they were written by MIT faculty. My aunt, for example, gave me John Maeda's Laws of Simplicity as part of my graduation present. It's a very good little book, and it's rather inspired me to look more deeply into the Media Lab over the next few years. I would really encourage you to buy it, or at least browse one of Maeda's two "simplicity" blogs.

- On a side note - my aunt also gave me a 120 GB external hard drive and some nice cold cash. She knows me so well. :)

- I've just started listening to Pandora Radio, and it is amazing.

My Everest

A while ago, someone made a comment that I've been meaning to reply to for some time now. For that matter, there's actually quite a few things I've been meaning to write about - such as my graduation party (great fun and great gifts), the new Harry Potter movie (wicked), HASS-D's (so hard to choose!), and the next installment of my Top Ten list (hint: it's about IAP)...

Clearly, a blogger's work is never done.

As I was saying, though, some time ago a reader named Star made this comment: "Oh, and I bet I know your real reason for starting this blog, you applying for MIT blogger, right? If so, I wish you luck."

Well, Star, sorry for taking so long to reply, but your comment rather took me aback. Because you are right, to a degree - I am indeed applying to be a blogger. I doubt anyone who frequents the MIT Admissions site will be terribly surprised to hear that - and yet at the same time it's still very hard for me to actually admit to you all that I'm going to give it a shot.

At my high school, there was this kid I tutored, two years younger than me, and his second-greatest ambition in life is to get into Notre Dame. And I told him several times, "Ryan, be careful who you trust with your dreams." I don't think he understood what I meant - I doubt I would have understood two years ago - but I've noticed something this past year. Basically, I've realized that there are some people who will remember you more for your failures, for the things you tried to achieve but for some reason were unable to grasp, than for your actual accomplishments. It's stupid and it's petty, but it still happens - hell, I do it too sometimes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't.

And that's why I'm not going to tell you what Ryan's greatest ambition is, even though you have no idea who he is - and I hope he doesn't tell anyone else either. I am grateful he trusted me with it, and I dearly hope he makes it come true. But sharing a dream is like saying "I love you" - it's a sign of trust, and yet there are people who will abuse that trust if given the opportunity. And that's why it's sometimes better to stay silent, to lock your dreams within the deepest, most private parts of your heart, utterly inviolable, until the day you finally make them real.

And yet - and yet, having said all that, I am going to forgo my own advice and confess: yes, I want to be an MIT blogger. So thank you for your wishes, Star - I feel I'm going to need them. To be honest, I have dreamed of being an admissions blogger for a very long time - before I even got into MIT, actually. A secret burning desire, if you wanted to get poetic about it. The first person I told was my dad, as we were driving to the airport after CPW. I haven't told a single soul since - until now.

Why now? Well, for one thing - as I mentioned before, I think it's pretty obvious, so I might as well face up to it. And even more importantly than that...I almost think I've been hindering myself - and my blogging - by not mentioning it. Never before have I linked to the MIT blogs, even though I visit them almost every day, and that's frankly not honest at all.

And there's one other reason I'm glad to be confessing this: I can now come out and tell you all, straight-up, even though I do want to be an MIT blogger - even though keeping this blog is a necessary step on the road to making that dream real - I am blogging for no other reason than because I want to. Do you remember what George Mallory said, when a reporter asked him why he wanted to climb Mount Everest? He said, "Because it's there."

This blog is my Everest.

As the title of the blog hints, in many ways I feel that I am only just now really entering the world. I am a work in progress - and MIT is going to shape me in so many ways over the next four years. I created this blog so that you could join me on that adventure - if you want to. They say MIT is not for the weak of heart. I'm beginning to think they're right, and that makes me happy beyond all words.

It's going to be one hell of a ride.

Sitting waiting blogging

Right now I'm in my lab at work, waiting for glue to dry.

Literally.

As I've mentioned briefly before, this summer I'm doing orthopedics research at Notre Dame - an interesting intersection of mechanical, materials, and biological engineering. (Which are, incidentally, the three fields I am most interested in studying.) When people ask me what I do, my favorite response is, “Oh, I play with cow bones.”

That’s using the term “play” rather liberally, of course. So when I say “I play with cow bones,” what I really mean is that I cut bovine cortical shafts into little uniform pieces, glue them onto slides, drill precise 3-mm holes in them, polish them ‘til they shine, add fluorescent dye to them, bathe them with UV light, and take pictures of them via digital microscope. Eventually I’ll figure out the diffusion coefficient of the particular dye I’m using, but I don’t have enough samples yet to get a good result, and the anisotropic nature of bone mucks everything up anyway.

I’ve also learned that phosphoric acid, lactic acid, and calcium hydroxide can be combined to synthesize artificial hydroxyapatite whiskers, a close approximation of the carbonated apatite comprising the mineral phase of bone, but only when mixed together in the right stoichiometric quantities under sufficiently high temperature and pressure.

Who knew?

Certainly not me, or at least not until a few weeks ago, when for some reason one of the grad students here decided that I, despite being the youngest person in the lab by about three years, was capable enough to start the synthesis reaction myself. That was a risky idea, let me tell you. Fortunately no limbs, eyeballs, or beavers were harmed in the whisker-making process.

And yet, in spite of all the advanced bioengineering research going on here – research that I am actually a (relatively) useful part of! – right now I am still waiting for the glue on my new slides to dry.

So what are you all doing this summer?

Fun with phobias

Today is Friday the 13th. Duhn duhn duhn dunh!

Then again, considering that the world did not end on June 6, 2006 - nor on July 7, 2007 - I don't think any of us really should be worrying about a measly little superstition like Friday the 13th.

However, this provides a great opportunity to highlight what is, in my humble opinion, one of the funniest and most ridiculous words in the English language. That word is, of course, paraskavedekatriaphobia - an irrational and morbid fear of Friday the 13th. Incidentally, paraskavedekatriaphobia is actually a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, the fear of the number 13 in general.

Don't you feel educated?